NOTE: This article was originally published at Right On on April 8, 2016. I’m re-posting it here as the site is now defunct.
For years, the sleeping giant of American nationalism has been lulled to slumber by the lies of corporate-owned “Right-wing” media outlets like Fox News. The conservative media’s hysterical reaction to Donald Trump has revealed them as phonies.
One of the things I find absolutely delightful about this year’s presidential election is watching the Leftist media forced to defend people they hate in the service of trying to stump Donald Trump. In crowing about the Donald’s loss in the Wisconsin primary earlier this week, the media was forced to side with winner Ted Cruz, an autistic momma’s boy who pals around with preachers who advocate executing homosexuals. Similarly, in order to push the meme that Trump is a knuckle-dragging misogynist, they’ve had to pretend that Fox News spokesbimbo Megyn Kelly is Edward Murrow with a vagina.
Kelly is and always will be a tabloid hack, employed solely for her peroxide-drenched looks. In typical female fashion, she regards her hurt feelings over Trump’s comments about women to be more important than the actual issues. The best quote I ever heard about Kelly came from a woman Karl Ushanka and I met in line at a Trump rally near Omaha. We were talking about Kelly and I described her as a “lightweight,” to which the woman interjected, “Oh come on, you don’t have to be so polite! She’s a bitch!”
Indeed, Trump’s candidacy has exposed the rot within the so-called “conservative” media. Unlike Leftist media outlets like CNN and MSNBC, who sincerely believe the nonsense they spew, Rupert Murdoch established Fox News out of a cynical desire to tap the wallets of Right-wing Americans. One of 21st Century Fox’s major investors is Saudi Prince Alwaweed bin Talal, a Trump opponent who has used his influence to prevent Fox News from covering stories that put Muslims in a bad light.
Similarly, the “cuckservative” slur came to prominence last year as a response to media outlets like RedState and National Review who spend more time trying to please the Left than fighting for conservative values. With Trump having done more for American nationalism in nine months than the Right-wing intelligentsia has done in fifty years, the mandarins of “respectable” conservatism are now pushing the #NeverTrump meme out of fear for their jobs. We even have so-called “conservative” women using their gender in SJW-style attacks on Trump.
I saw this in full display on the eve of the Wisconsin primary, when I attended both a Ted Cruz town hall in Madison hosted by Megyn Kelly, then lucked into a VIP seat at a Donald Trump town hall in Milwaukee hosted by Sean Hannity. Watching the news media behind the scenes was a truly nauseating experience, like a farmer discovering a zoophile having sex with his cows. Fox News’ “conservatism” is a fraud for ratings and nothing more.
I arrived at the Cruz event at 10am on the dot, finding a seat near the back of the hall. Despite Lyin’ Ted’s popularity among the Wiscucksinites, only about 500 people could be bothered to show up. Shortly after I got my seat, Megyn Kelly entered stage left to pep us up and remind us to cheer wildly at the beginning of each commercial break. With her Trump-inspired Max Headroom hairdo and sheer black getup, she looked like a sex slave from The Fifth Element.
Ted Cruz came in ten minutes later, to overenthusiastic applause from the pensioner audience. As soon as the show began, Kelly burnished her bimbo credentials by tossing him softball questions about Trump and his “attacks” on his wife Heidi, as well as National Enquirer’s allegations of his infidelity. Cruz continued his non-denials of the latter and also had the stones to claim that Trump is “afraid of strong women.” Is he running for the Democratic nomination now?
As repulsive as Ted Cruz is in an ordinary campaign setting, he’s even more disgusting under the glare of TV lighting. Lyin’ Ted was sweating so much during the interview that Kelly’s toadies had to re-apply his pancake makeup during each commercial break. It’s clear that he was excited by merely being close to a semi-attractive woman; he kept leaning into Kelly, exposing his bulletproof vest and making it look like he was wearing a bra. You could almost imagine a wet spot forming on the crotch of his khakis.
The rest of the town hall was just as stomach-turning. Cruz took questions from some vetted audience members, hedged on his anti-abortion views (claiming that he wouldn’t punish women for getting abortions if doing so were illegal), and continued to sweat like a nerd in a titty bar. Near the end, Kelly brought on lobotomy victim and failed presidential contender Governor Scott Walker to discuss why he endorsed Cruz (hint: it’s because Reince Priebus told him to). After Kelly was done filming, Cruz was also joined by his wife Heidi, fellow undersexed pervert Carly Fiorina, and Utah Senator Mike Lee for a meet-and-greet.
The most striking thing about the Cruz event was the absence of protesters. Madison is well-known for its hippie-dippie Leftist politics: Wisconsinites snidely refer to the city as “77 square miles surrounded by reality.” Not only that, we were just a few blocks from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Yet while Leftists go out of their way to disrupt and riot at Trump rallies, they apparently don’t regard Cruz as a threat, because the only protesters were a sad, squat Mongolian and a homeless guy shilling for John Kasich.
After eating lunch, I hit the road for a Trump rally at the Milwaukee Theatre. I arrived about an hour-and-a-half before the doors opened, with an anemic crowd of about 50 people in line. While I was there, a cute blonde came up to us, telling us she was with Sean Hannity’s show and that they were looking for VIPs to fill out the audience. I took her up on the offer, and she led about a dozen of us over to the Pabst Theater a few blocks away, where the show was being filmed.
I’ve never cared for Sean Hannity—he’s a blow-dried gasbag who could fellate a dog turd with a smile on his face—but he at least outstrips Megyn Kelly in the professionalism department. Prior to the show starting, he held a Q&A with the audience where he made unfunny jokes, crowed about how “beautiful” Wisconsin women are (what a load: Wisconsin girls are barely senescent lardlumps who think having pendulous udders can compensate for their obesity), and exhorted us to cheer like maniacs when the interview began.
Donald Trump and his wife Melania came on stage at 5pm to thunderous applause. The interview itself was fairly standard stuff, with Hannity grilling Trump on the issues and soliciting comments from Melania. In contrast to Cruz’s pubescent leering at Megyn Kelly, Trump confidently sat back in his chair and kept patting Melania on her thigh in a display of ownership. During one of the commercial breaks, Hannity and Trump also tried to shanghai one of the audience members into proposing to his girlfriend of two years.
After the show ended, I hoofed it back to the Milwaukee Theatre in time for Trump’s rally. In an ill omen for the Donald’s Wisconsin campaign, not only was there no line to get in, but the theater was only about two-thirds full. There also weren’t any protesters inside the building or out, though that was likely because Bernie Sanders was holding his own rally nearby. In a moment of unintended hilarity, Trump walked on stage to the tune of Cypress Hill’s “Insane in the Membrane”:
The content of Trump’s stump speeches has changed considerably since his Iowa campaign. With most of his opponents now out of the race and licking their wounds, he turned to emphasizing how NAFTA and free trade has hurt Wisconsin’s economy. While the crowd was fired up, the anemic showing (by Trump’s standards)—only about 1,500-2,000 people—presaged his defeat in the primary the next day.
The Badger State was always going to be a tough row for Trump to hoe: Wisconsinites are basically Iowans with fewer IQ points and a higher blood alcohol content. The state’s agrarian economy and lack of racial diversity isolate it somewhat from the globalization and mass immigration that has devastated other states. Like Iowans, Wisconsinites are also naive and trusting, traits that invasive species like Lyin’ Ted are all too happy to exploit.
Ultimately, though, Cruz’s victory in Wisconsin and his support from “Right-wing” hacks like Megyn Kelly are unlikely to derail the Trump Train. The race has now moved to the Donald’s turf on the East Coast, with his native New York voting in two weeks and most of the remaining Northeastern states voting the week after that. Sleazy preachers with perspiration problems don’t get much of an audience on the Eastern Seaboard. I blame New York values.
If Trump fails to win the nomination, it’ll only be after an unprecedented barrage from the party establishment and media. President Obama, supposed sworn enemy of the Republicans, hasn’t faced a tenth of the scrutiny that Trump has in less than a year of campaigning. On the upside, whether he succeeds or not, Donald Trump has done a massive service in putting the mainstream conservative media out of business.
Read Next: Wisconsin Campaign Dispatch, Part 2: Donald Trump and Megyn Kelly Have Open-Faced Cuban Sandwich
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